Most music teachers know this situation well. An email from a parent arrives in your inbox. Their child has missed a lesson and the parent is writing to inquire about re-scheduling the lesson. The music teacher feels caught off-guard. How can this be happening? Didn’t the parent read the studio policy regarding missed lessons? The teacher concludes the parent doesn’t appreciate the teacher’s studio. The teacher feels disrespected and undervalued. Doesn’t the parent see how hard the teacher is working?
It’s an uncomfortable and frustrating situation.
In this exploration, I'd like to take the time to step back and consider whether the above interpretation is an accurate representation of what’s going on. Maybe we could look at things from another angle and respond differently. Take a look at the following:
Studio policies exist for good reasons. They protect our time, ensure fairness for all families, and support a sustainable teaching practice. Yet policies don’t manage the relationships we form with our students and their families. Teachers do. How we hold our policies matters just as much as what those policies contain.
Consider the parent’s viewpoint. In my experience, most parents don’t keep track of studio policy details. Of course, they may have skimmed the policy at the beginning of the year along with all the many other registration processes for their child. When they ask for a re-scheduling, they’re rarely trying to take advantage of the teacher or signal disrespect. More likely, they’re trying to do right by their child. Similar to music teachers, parents understand how missed lessons can disrupt the momentum created by the routine of consistent lessons. They recognize how teachers may restore the momentum more expeditiously than parents can, so they look to their child's teacher for support.
Be kind to yourself. Here’s where self-compassion is a must because jumping in to assume parents are disrespecting you - that’s an unhealthy reaction. Especially when it’s most likely a matter of them forgetting the studio policy. Take a deep breath after receiving the message and remind yourself, parents don’t suddenly adopt disrespectful characteristics after months of trusting you with their child.
Sometimes it can feel like people don't view music teaching as a serious vocation. And it's easy for music teachers to fall into the trap of downgrading our own sense of self-worth. It's important for music teachers to know that we have the right to create an environment that works for ourselves as well as our students. And we need to have our own balanced approach to work/personal/mental/emotional life in order to respond with strength and empathy. There's a lot to be said about being confident in ourselves and having stability/balance in our teaching as the foundation for a meaningful and healthy teaching career.
Respond by referencing the policy. Simple language helps a lot in a return message. “Thanks for your inquiry. Our studio policy doesn’t include re-scheduled lessons for missed sessions. It’s there to keep scheduling consistent for all families. I’ll attach a copy of the Studio Policy for your info.” This keeps the focus on fairness and structure, not personal judgment. Referencing the policy doesn’t need to feel rigid or defensive.
Practice what you’ll say in-person. Often in face-to-face situations, parents ask about re-scheduling lessons already missed. Being prepared for this situation reduces the emotional pressure. Take time practice your response. For example when you’re out for a walk, try confidently saying the above phrases at every street corner. It may take some time before you can confidently deliver your response. We know confidence grows through repetition.
Be flexible when you can. Keep in mind there will be times when re-scheduling is an easy thing to do and doesn’t undermine your studio structure. You’re allowed to make thoughtful accommodations when circumstances warrant special attention. That doesn’t mean abandoning your policy or saying yes every time. It means responding with humanity while holding firm boundaries that allow your students and your teaching to thrive.
For music teachers, our studio policies and our attitude towards parents/students go a long way in building trust in our studios. When studio policies are applied evenly and communicated with warmth, parents learn what to expect. Studio policies work best when they are paired with human connection: a smile, a calm voice, and language that says, “I care about your child, and I also value the structure that makes this studio work.” Clear policies, consistently applied with kindness, protect both your teaching time and your relationships.
Yes - Studio Policies are important. Equally important are the quality relationships we form with parents and students. That’s why - the way music teachers balance clear boundaries with empathetic interactions will always accomplish more in strengthening our studios than any policy document ever could.
How do you address missed lessons in your Studio Policy? Do you have a Studio Policy?
What story do you tell yourself when a parent asks for an exception—and is it the most generous interpretation?
How confident do you feel about communicating your studio policy?
Where can you hold firm boundaries? Where is flexibility genuinely supportive?
Do you have colleagues who might appreciate reading this blog. Please feel free to share it with them.
If this exploration sparks further thoughts, I’d love to hear from you. Click HERE to send me an email message and keep the conversation going.