The first conversation between music teachers and parents can be the spark that ignites a lifelong passion for music making - or the moment that parents decide music lessons may not be for their child. Responding to parents’ initial inquiry into music lessons can be challenging especially when parents’ rationale or expectations for music lessons make music teachers uneasy. How can music teachers respond? What kind of communication is appropriate?
Several years ago, I conducted a workshop on communication for a group of studio music teachers. At the beginning of the workshop, when I asked the participants to describe the characteristics of effective communicators, they all agreed on two vital interdependent skills: the skill of listening and the skill of speaking. However, later in the week, when I asked them to put their listening and speaking skills into action, I discovered their interpretations of listening and speaking were not entirely what I had in mind.
Here’s what I had them examine.
Three different parents contact you regarding music lessons for their child.
Parent A says, “ I just want my child to have fun in their music lessons. We’re going to give it a try for two years and if it’s not fun, we’ll move on to another activity.”
Parent B says, “My child has a lot of difficulty with concentration. So I think the discipline of learning to play a musical instrument will be very beneficial.”
Parent C says, “I want my child to complete upper level RCM examinations for extra credit in high school. That will be our primary goal for learning to play the piano.”
How would you respond? What do you think the participants in the communication workshop had to say?
I must admit I was quite surprised by the outcome of the above exercise. One by one the participants described how they would explain why the parents’ point of view wasn’t workable. Participants all thought teachers needed to listen carefully so they could come up with compelling arguments that would point out the limitations of the parents’ viewpoint. I was completely stunned. I thought listening carefully meant developing an understanding of parents so that teachers might build on - rather than reject - the parents’ viewpoint.
What I find remarkable is how each of the above parent scenarios provide sufficient reason for parents to enrol their child in music lessons. Although each scenario may fail to capture the entire story of music lessons, they do provide parents with a legitimate starting point for getting lessons underway. What happens next is up to us as teachers.
How can music teachers genuinely respond in a manner that respects parents’ viewpoint without giving up our own teaching philosophy?
My immediate response to parents is to confirm their interest by saying something like, “That’s a great starting point”, knowing that once we get things underway, I have lots of time to shed light on aspects of musical development that parents may not have anticipated. Telling parents that their viewpoint is not workable is a sure way to discourage parents’ initial interest. Recognizing where parents are coming from and using their viewpoint as the launch pad for getting things going - that’s something we can all do as music teachers.
So the next time parents phone or email you regarding music lessons, keep in mind - this first conversation can either strike a harmonious chord or leave a dissonant note. Which do you think has the most long lasting outcome?
